Good social skills
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By :
Stephen G
Submitted
2009-10-02 20:53:09 |
Without a reasonable degree of Social Aptitude, building friendships and quality relationships would be next to impossible. Good social skills can deliver so many benefits, that it's hard to know where to start.
Those few socially gifted people who seem to have all the confidence in the world and really effective social skills are often rewarded with a large group of friends and a possibly a huge social and business network.
To many of us displaying social aptitude isn't as easy as it sounds, however there are things we can do to boost our social abilities and there are things we can avoid to prevent social faux pas.
If you seek to have a greater social standing and you want more friends as well as better interactions then use these tips to boost your social aptitude, relationships and happiness.
Building Social Skills - With Compliments
This is an art form and takes subtlety and practice. Misuse of compliments can make you seem either like you are "sucking up" or being insincere.
The best compliments you can make are the one's that you believe to be true. Don't make up a false compliment just to grease the wheels of conversation, just comment on things that you truly believe and be sincere.
A good compliment can leave the recipient feeling extremely good about both themselves and the person who payed them the compliment.
People who have effective social skills have no trouble giving out compliments and a complimented person is by and large, usually a happy person.
Make Eye Contact
People who lack social skills often can't look others in the eye and it reeks of lacking confidence, or sometimes can even seem like you lack interest.
Good, solid eye contact show others that we are both interested in what they have to say and that we have confidence in our ability to listen.
Maintaining eye contact gives the other person the feeling that you are honest and trustworthy, this is a great impression to make upon new people, as these are highly sought qualities in new friends.
Don't look everywhere but the eyes of the person you converse with or you'll seem disinterested and distant.
No Listen - No Social Skills
When you listen to what people say, you offer them an immediate bond, because people love to talk about themselves and if you can lend a keen ear to their thoughts they will appreciate you. One of the biggest social mistakes you can make is to talk too much and listen not enough.
Listening is often the solution to showing others you are interested in more than just your own thoughts.
Part of any good social skills education is learning to listen and comprehend what others are saying so that you might add value to the conversation and show you are in turn a person of value.
Social Skills Curriculum 101 - Show Interest
"If you're not interested, then your not interesting"
Continuing on the theory that people love to talk about themselves, it is wise to show interest in what they have to say. Asking polite, unobtrusive questions is a great way to keep conversation flowing and to show interest in other peoples thoughts.
Keeping the theme of honesty, it is best to ask question which you are genuinely interested in the answer otherwise boring responses may be hard for you to mask your disinterest.
This single social skills instruction alone can lead you to a more adept social aptitude and really increase your social powers.
Smile
Aha! - The simplest of social skills strategies!
How simple and yet how frequently overlooked is the necessity to smile and show you are having a good time.
Misery attracts company, but smiles attract joy, so keep smiling and show everyone that you are beaming with both happiness and social aptitude.
Anecdotes
Having a good anecdote to share can help conversation flow and break the ice. Building friendships around a good story is a common thing, so having a few good anecdotes to share is a useful social tool.
Many new people can hear your tales and this is often traded with one or two of their own, creating new friendships and acquaintances.
Having good anecdotes doesn't define social skills, but if you can and do share great stories, then it certainly helps.
Tolerance
In every single walk of life you will meet those people who just seem to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's natural, as we are all different.
Sometimes you need to display due tolerance of others, just to keep the peace, it's not always easy, but tolerating others is essential in the quest for social aptitude. Learn to let it go and if necessary move away and start conversation elsewhere.
The emotional ability to be tolerant shows that you are a level headed individual and a good person.
Be Agreeable
This, by no means dictates that you have to act dumb, nod your head and be a "yes" man (or woman). Good social skills come from knowing when to argue and when not to.
If someone says something which is wrong, you don't have to rush to disagree - sometimes having someone you barely know disagreeing with you can make you question their social ability. Who argues with strangers just for the sake of being right?
Hopefully not you, if in the worst case scenario, you hear someone give advice which you may think will be harmful to the recipient then the best thing to do is pull the advisee to the side and give your polite opinion away from the other person.
Arguing is the vestige of social ineptitude, not aptitude - So it's not on the social skills curriculum
Watch What You Say
When you meet new people, most of the time you will know little or nothing about them. Offending people with the wrong question can be a faux pas, so your common sense and awareness are invaluable tools in social interactions.
The solution is to not ask prying questions or to make statements that may alienate others. This is something you just have to learn. People with awful social skills strategies are known for blurting the wrong thing at the wrong time - Is that going to be you?
Don't Stare
Eye contact with the person you are talking to is great, but staring or glaring at someone across the room is rude and ill disciplined. Be mindful of your actions and be sure to avoid staring blankly at others or you'll seem odd at best, creepy at worst.
Okay, so I know I give a social skills instruction that says don't stare and also I give you one that says maintain eye contact, but I'm sure you can understand the inherent subtlety in the differences and if not...
Eye contact is for those who actively engage in conversation with you, but staring at people who are not in talks with you is a no no. Okay then?
Remember Names
Forgetting someones name can be like a slap across the face for sensitive individuals, so be sure to focus on the persons name when you are first introduced and repeat it in your head a few times as not to forget it easily.
Remembering peoples names can put you in a social advantage and can often be the difference between building friendships and making acquaintances. For help remembering names try some of these tips and never feel the embarrassment of forgetting a name ever again.
Build effective social skills by learning how to remember peoples names
Manners
Having good manners is an essential trait for those wishing to be socially adept. Always use please and Thank you, always maintain good social manner and speak kindly.
If you have a habit of using bad language then you'll need to refrain from using it. Good manners show others the quality of person that you are, so it is wise to practice.
To Conclude
Using good social skills can open many doors. People with more friends are generally happier and enjoy a better quality of living. Enhance your Social Aptitude and gain the benefits of building friendships and relationships that will bring you much joy and comfort.
Good Social Skills By Stephen G
For more on social skills curriculum, personal development and better living:
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20 Goal Setting Tips
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ABC's Of Success
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Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude
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